what you mean about the diagnosis, dropping you in a box, and all of a sudden they become labels, like a name tag. You know, I’m Kim Mitchell, and I’m suffering from depression. But really what it did is, is it helped me to say, what do we do now? What do we do? What can we do? And my personal motto has always been that we are our own greatest resource. So I started to take a look at all these things that I purchased over the years, calendars, planners, pills, potions, vitamins, all these different programs that I still had that were some literally covered in dust, to say which pieces worked, which pieces resonated. And I started to say, instead of trying to take this, this patchwork and make it into make these one systems work. I would take a collection of all these different pieces and just work with those. Because for me, I didn’t need it to be depression. I just needed something to aim for, to fix,

 

Manon Bolliger  08:40

right? Okay, I understand makes more sense. So it it gave you the focus Yes, to analyze what you could actually be responsible for in your life and shift Absolutely. Yes, yeah, okay, so, so, and then it worked. Yes, yes. Okay, you talk about happiness. You talk about joy in your journey. What? Let’s elaborate a little bit on that, because I think this might be a pivotal point of your your experience, if I’m reading it properly. Oh,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  09:19

absolutely, because I’ll tell you, I can remember, especially in the throes of trying to understand why I couldn’t be better. I remember seeing the Oprah magazines with, hey, choose joy and make Joy your daily life. And I would go, yeah, hey, give me a fraction of what you have, and then I’ll be joyous all day long. As to me, that was that I did not have an understanding of joy as a strategy. I didn’t have an understanding to me joy when I heard. Heard the word joy, it sounded like this elusive emotion that you just painted a smile on every day, and every day is roses. But when I really sat down and said, what if? What if we can make Joy a baseline? What if Joy became the foundation of decisions, and it wasn’t until I was able to get through the two biggest barriers that I believe hold most of us back is fear and limiting beliefs. And so once I started dealing with those and managing those, because I don’t believe we’ll ever be rid of fear, because fear is, is can be good for us. It’s a safety mechanism, sure, but we need to manage it. We need to understand when we need to be safe and when it’s okay to move. So once I got my arms around those two and realized that this is, this is every day, every day I can say, How am I going to approach this day with joy and feel it and really be in it? Then that was really a path forward for me.

 

Manon Bolliger  11:18

So how, if you don’t mind, let’s expand that a little bit. So how do you or did you notice a method or a thought process or a body process that allowed you to overcome fear, like, can you share an example? Or Absolutely,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  11:39

because with fear, it’s partially understanding that’s that awareness. What is it that I’m afraid of? Why am I afraid? What’s making me afraid? And being able to stop in a moment and a really make that examination and then practice every single day, literally looking myself in the mirror and saying, you’re okay, you’re safe. And that kind of builds it, because this, this goes into the neuro neuroplasticity, of how we’re able to rewire our brains, which is really the foundation of all the work that I’ve done, how do I change the way this mind is telling me and interpreting what I’m seeing, and most of that fear comes from stories I’m telling myself, so when I can stop and listen to those stories, and capture those stories, dissect those stories, change that narrative, yeah, and then really kind of, and then, on top of that, that daily practice of saying you’re safe, it’s okay, you’re safe, that helps me to manage The fear.

 

Manon Bolliger  12:59

And the second one was misconceptions, right? Limiting beliefs, limiting beliefs, yes, so, and that differs in which way,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  13:09

because with limiting beliefs, those are often not even our own voices, right? We grow up being told things, one, one, easy example for me is I might have been in about the fifth grade, and we were in gym class, and you know, they have the cones, and you dribble down between the cones and come back. So kids in front of me went, came back. It was my turn. I slapped that ball all the way down, came back and got back in line, and my gym teacher leaned to me and he said, I think you’re the worst dribbler I’ve ever seen. Now, he didn’t dash any NBA hopes or WNBA hopes for me, because that was not a pursuit. But even at that young age, it stuck with me to say, how many kids must this gym teacher have seen and for me to be the worst? Yeah. So I carried that with me for years. Basketball’s again, I’m a terrible I’m terrible at basketball, terrible. I didn’t even bother to pick up the ball. But that wasn’t even my belief. That was his belief. Yeah, and so we just take these things on when people tell us things, especially in those early years, and we make them true when they’re not

 

Manon Bolliger  14:36

right, yeah, it’s like, it’s an assumption, right? Like, yes, so it’s really so part of the work is confronting the fear that actually comes up, and talking it down by reality and soothing and the other part is actually bringing up the things that aren’t ours,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  14:57

absolutely off you. Go Exactly. So Whose voice is that? Right? Sometimes we just, we take it on, we take it over. But when we really rewind that tape, we go, Wait a minute that that voice is actually my third grade gym teacher.

 

Manon Bolliger  15:18

Okay, and then, so, how does, when you mentioned joy, right? And really feeling it, what’s so let’s say you’re, you’re, you’ve dealt with the fear, the current one, whatever that might be. You’ve removed some of the voices that aren’t yours, and then what’s the process of the feeling joy like? How does that work? What

 

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Kimberly Mitchell  17:01

I’ll tell you, really, what it comes from is the knowledge, the awareness that I am in control of my entire experience. When we start taking on these voices and these fears and we hand over our power to our boss, our spouse, our kids, the neighbor across the street, that powerlessness really resonates through everything that we do, even so when we talk about one of The tools I have is the mirror method the book. And the reason I wrote that book is because I realized that as women, especially, we get up every morning, we go and get dressed, and then we stand in front of that mirror and we beat ourselves to death. We just one smack after the other, oh my gosh, my wrinkles, oh my gosh, my hair, oh my gosh, my neck. And then we walk out of the door with all those self inflicted wounds covering us from head to toe. And when we can start to really peel that back and just recognize that all we need to do is be a loving voice. Our voice should be the most loving voice we hear every single day, and we incorporate those things. We take our power back, we be loving to ourselves. We manage our fear. It’s so that’s where joy is not something that is added to us as we deliver or get delivered from these fear is our joy is always there. It’s just covered under all these things. So remove that, that feeling of powerfulness, that feeling of control, that feeling of I don’t no matter what happens, I can deal with it. I can manage it. That’s the joy.

 

Manon Bolliger  19:15

So there has to be the awareness then, that there’s negative self talk. Oh, yeah, right, because, I mean, yeah, I don’t know. I don’t have a mirror on my way out, so I often, I just show up and I’m on a zoom call. Oh, I’m glad I my hair was clean.

 

19:42

I but

 

Manon Bolliger  19:44

you know, if you’re the thing is, if you’re aware that, for most people, it’s about, I think it’s 80% of our thoughts are negative thoughts, right? Like, if knowing that, if. Should really allow us not to listen to that voice, right? Because we know we where else could it come from? But some were negative, right?

 

Kimberly Mitchell  20:11

It is so easy to miss because it happens in a flash. It happens almost rote, because we do it so often. Me, I can think of how many times have I went to find my classes. I can find them like, Oh, here they are silly. Well, what’s silly about that? And I don’t even think twice about calling myself silly, but would we ever say that to our child if our child couldn’t find her glasses? Would we say here, they’re right over there? Silly? We wouldn’t, at

 

Manon Bolliger  20:50

least hopefully not right,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  20:55

but we do it so easily to ourselves, and so one of the things and the other product is a joy journey to joy, product that has a tool in it where you capture that self thought, you capture it and you really face it every single day. So you you start to become very attuned to what you’re saying to yourself, right? Sorry, go ahead, yeah, no, so

 

Manon Bolliger  21:25

you can sort of distance yourself and go, that’s just my thoughts. Yeah, absolutely,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  21:29

absolutely. Because even with the limiting beliefs, there’s a tool in there to say, let’s say, I say that I want to learn Spanish, and I say, I really want to learn Spanish, That’s my belief. Well, what do I do that supports that belief? Well, I purchased a lifetime subscription to the Spanish software. So what do you do that’s in opposition to that belief,

 

Manon Bolliger  22:03

you don’t, haven’t

 

Kimberly Mitchell  22:08

opened it, I don’t use it. So now, what do you really believe about that? Well, maybe I don’t believe I can ever learn Spanish. Maybe I don’t think that I have what it takes to be fluent. So is that and then that’s the final thing is, is that true, right? Right? Is that true? And so and again, some of the things are just awareness. When we look at that, we go, oh my goodness, I never even thought of it. Maybe I can just start scheduling twice a day, opening the computer for 10 minutes and getting under the software. So really, just that, let’s take a look at it. Let’s capture it, let’s reframe it, and let’s test it. Yeah,

 

Manon Bolliger  22:59

and it’s also possible that, you know you want to learn Spanish for the wrong reasons, right? That it’s it camouflaging some other, you know, desire or need and and Spanish excuse,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  23:16

yes,

 

Manon Bolliger  23:18

yeah, yeah, interesting, yeah. So, I mean, you’ve, you’ve certainly heard The Work of Byron Katie, right, loving what is absolutely questions, yeah, when you’re saying, Is it true, I think in in the end, that is the bottom line. Question, is it true? And how do you know it’s true, and how? And then how do you feel when you think that thought, right? And a lot of that, I’ve used her work a lot to just, I mean, you know, we all do our version of it, spontaneously, how it comes out, but fundamentally, it’s, it’s a huge shift. It is awareness and can be playful, yes,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  24:00

and so like with the course that I do, the True course, that’s the cornerstone

 

Manon Bolliger  24:07

of right?

 

Kimberly Mitchell  24:07

The foundation of it, yeah, you decide what’s true. You literally write your definition of true. And everything you do, you test against that definition. Is it true? Is it true that I can never play basketball, that I’m the worst dribbler? I don’t know. Let’s test it right, right?

 

Manon Bolliger  24:34

It could get dangerous, but yeah. And then if you find out it is true, oh, well,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  24:40

exactly. You say, Well, I can check basketball off my list of career options.

 

Manon Bolliger  24:47

Yeah, it’s kind of what’s the worst case scenario, if that is true, right? Maybe nothing, exactly.

 

Kimberly Mitchell  24:53

But you know, we when we really tell ourselves these stories, that’s what’s really so. Fascinating to me when I really started taking stock of the stories I was telling myself, yeah, and I said, you know, if I can tell myself a story, why wouldn’t I tell myself the best story, make myself the shero of the story, instead of this worst version that just demeans me and makes me feel bad.

 

Manon Bolliger  25:27

And so may I ask you this question you don’t have to answer, of course, or you can circumvent it any which way possible. But did you find it necessary to take pharmaceutical options. I did not, no, okay, because I have found most people, they don’t need to. You know, most people can do if they do very conscious work, like the one you’re you’re describing of yours, and what’s the name of your book again? Sorry, the book is,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  26:02

hey, beautiful, the mirror method. Hey, because we start out, that’s the way I start the start my conversation with myself. Hey, beautiful, yeah, that, that alone kind of Yeah. Lifts us up a little bit. Hey, how are you?

 

Manon Bolliger  26:22

I i can see the joy in you, great.

 

Kimberly Mitchell  26:31

And then the longer system is the journey to joy method, and that’s a good year long program. And I’m so pleased with that, because you really get to own your work in that program. And that’s really the joy, like I said, the the idea that my life is not over past 50, the idea that I can still do a whole lot of what I’ve always wanted to do. I literally just taught myself how to roller skate two weeks ago.

 

Manon Bolliger  27:12

Okay, I’ve been

 

Kimberly Mitchell  27:14

wanting to do that for years, but I kept telling myself, you’re too old, you’re going to fall, you’re going to break something. You’re not going to be able to work all these things. It’s okay. You can do it. You’re even if you fall, you’re not going to just completely break into pieces. All that work to understand that I’m never, it’s never too old, and you’re never, you’re never too old, and it’s never too late.

 

Manon Bolliger  27:46

I have one more question for you, but it’s the last one, because we’re right at our time, okay, but in your I mean, most people learn something no matter what they do in their lives. When they’re looking retrospectively, they go, Oh, I Yeah, great. I see why I needed this or that experience. My question to you is, your experience in the military, is there something that you have you learnt from there that is very clear,

 

Kimberly Mitchell  28:18

absolutely, the structure without a doubt that everything was very systematic. In the military documentation processes, the way you dressed, everything had a system. And I use the word safety a lot in my work, but you don’t realize, I didn’t realize until I got out, how safe it was to have that structure. How do you know you’re you’re not having to stress or worry about the way things are done or how things are going to be done, because it was very prescribed, and that is what I enjoy. I learned and I brought into all the work that I do today. Great.

 

Manon Bolliger  29:07

Well, Kimberly, thank you so much for sharing your time, and it was very enlightening.

 

Kimberly Mitchell  29:12

Thank you. I really had a good time. So what I really enjoyed

ENDING: 

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